Sometimes I feel like with all those meetup apps/events, especially now I am living in Barcelona which I believe is one of the greatest cities in the world, I put too much pressure on myself to meet new people. Our generation has something called FOMO – Fear of missing out and I think I have this fear of missing out great people or deep conversations if I don’t use this app’s hangout function or join some interesting events to meet people. This intense urge of needing human contacts tires me out.
Some other time, I have this very common fear that I don’t want to eat lunch or pass time alone at lunch break. The kind of fear at some point I thought I already overcame it. But suddenly on a chilly windy day, it rises up and washes all over me. To be honest, no matter how much I enjoy traveling alone these days, I hate being completely alone and being totally "socially awkward me" so much sometimes. I want to feel safe and invisible being in a group. That moment, I feel like being sociable/likeable is such a desirable skill which I have absolutely no clue what it is and so overwhelmed when everyone else around me seems to be so naturally good at it. And I wonder why I always look for a strong, special connection with people everywhere I go while having this tendency of excluding myself in every kind of social group at school.
Sometimes I really love the idea of having the kind of life like Robinson Crusoe on the island (of course without the cannibals and such). Just thinking about building my own ammo fort in the woods, planting corn and rice on my own garden, having someone like Friday by my side, I would be so happyyy. There's no need for any other human connections.