I'm taking a leap of faith. I am in Berlin. Without an "actual" actual plan. It still looks like I am in some kinds of romantic movies or song lyrics:
Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere.
I am still questioning :"Why Berlin?". All I could think of is: "Because I can't think of anywhere else to go." I really don't like leaving in Germany but I wanna take the opportunity from here to discover Europe on my own, in my own sense of traveling. I wanna give Germany a second chance and as far as I've heard, Berlin isn't really Germany and it is a big city. So here we are, Berlin and I. In Berlin, I don't have a job, my school is far off somewhere else, I don't really have any connections here. Somehow, along the way of this exploration phase of my life with all the doubts and uncertainty though, I believe that life is certainly a puzzle and sometimes you have to take a leap of faith to find the answers.
I could have a pretty stable and inexpensive life either staying at my aunt's in a small Bavarian town or my school dorm in a small pretty town where my school is but I realised a stable and boring life, that is just not the life I want right now. Yes of course, money is an important aspect in life but I am young, I do have faith in me that I can figure something out. As Ryan said :"A big enough goal doesn't require a crisis". Which means if that is what you really want and even though it is not very fun at the moment, it's worth the stress. To be honest, I had a mental breakdown and almost on the edge of falling apart when I was in Hanoi and my flight back to Germany was just few days away. But the night before I moved to Berlin, I asked myself: "Berlin, a big decision, are you sure?", I felt a sudden warmness of feeling running through my veins, I heard my gut was telling me this is the right thing to do.
Even though Berlin isn’t so inviting for the first week and I am struggling really hard not to cry and blame myself for putting me in this stressful situation in the first place, I’ve learned something more about myself, about the expectations for Berlin I did not even realise I had – turns out all I ever wanted was hoping to have the same experience I had in Barcelona which possibly is an unrealistic expectation and I'll for sure be disappointed. I’ve learned to be patient, understanding and kind with other people even when the only thing I do is to cry and scream and crash things. I understand the phrase “Enjoy the journey not just the destination” better than ever when I have the feeling that I will not want to stay in Germany any longer after I graduate. I no longer want to witness and endure the boring life here – when I say boring of course it is according to my definition. For now though, I’ll keep these words in mind:
“And when things start to happen,don’t worry,don’t stew.Just go right along,You’ll start happening too.” - Dr Seuss