Honestly, I don't really feel afraid or overly nervous about Covid-19 pandemic. I am truly sorry for all the losses, for those who are suffering and dying - as I am for anyone at any time or suffers or dies. But I, of course, am speaking from a very privileged position. I live in this thoroughly protected place. I can still get out and walk around. I don't have to worry about financial burden at the moment. And most of all, strangely, this is one of the things I've learned during this strange social distancing period that I am quite content with my life that if, by chance, I get this thing and die, I have already lived quite a full life. So it isn't affecting me all that much. Though this doesn't mean I'm not being careful or bored of life. It's the opposite.
I've realised that happiness doesn’t necessarily come from achieving things in your life. It is more about the way you do it. It’s the relationship you have with yourself along the way. It’s the ability to walk your path, every single day, and enjoy the journey leading to wherever it is you’re going.
I did not like this German small town where my aunt lives before. I could not bear to stay here even just for a quick visit for more than a week. Yet, I've been staying here for almost 6 weeks due to the pandemic. I realise this might be the last and longest time I ever spend with my aunt's family so I wanna be here and have a good time with them. Now, I have all the time in the world to finally learn a bit French and finish my damn thesis (Yes I postponed it for a year to do work and travel), watch all the wonderful Broadway shows on Youtube, read poems, actually pay attention to the beautiful springtime, rekindle with old friends, build deeper connections with my family and closest friends, connect with my spiritual self by going for a walk into the forest everyday (yes, I might even become a spiritual guru after this haha). I finally stop planning too much for the future and learn to truly live in the present. This kind of absolute tranquility might never come again. Or I might have to remind myself from time to time later on what is really important to me so I don't get too caught up in life with other stuff.
Sometimes, I still get anxious thinking about the uncertain future ahead. Nobody knows exactly how the world will be after the pandemic. I wish I was born in a better time. But then I thought this is going to be an important event in the world history and I am a part of that history so I learn to accept the ambiguity of life. And keep living.